Meem

In our struggle for a place to be, we often forget the ultimate goal and the ultimate motive behind our activism. For quite a bunch of us, we know we COULD be with a man, if we really must. But even for those the idea of radically refusing women and forcing ourselves to be with a man comes with an inevitable reduction of the quality of our long term relationships. Yes we could pretend to be normal and conform, but then would we really live the passion? The incredible love to need and need to love? Certainly we can relatively love some guy if he’s really nice, patient and loving… But can we love him so badly that we would feel our hearts beating in anticipation of a meeting? Can his memory make us smile long after he’s gone?
Ok fine, let’s ignore that fact and pretend it’s only minor details, let’s hide away and pretend these are just exaggerations… But can we at least love Mr. Perfect as much as he would love us? No, a lesbian would answer. And how could we do that to this Mr Perfect?
Now bear with me and think of the next question tormenting my soul. If I could live the ULTIMATE love with either a man or a woman, and for some twist of fate love threw a woman in my hands and she was my chance…Should I let her fall on the ground and insist that I’ll wait for a guy to love? And how many chances does one person get to be happy?
Now aren’t we raised under the constant cliché that we should not love people for their looks but for who they are? and how they make us feel? SO what is gender if not a minor physical detail of nothing at all? When I thought of it from this angle the answer was as obvious as the sun in the sky… Of course I’d love her! A couple of years ago I said I’d love a sexually impotent man if he’d be my Mr Perfect and I meant it, great love is a bit rare, you know?
Unfortunately the age of reason still hasn’t reached some people. Who am I kidding?! Let me correct that:
Unfortunately, the age of reason still hasn’t reached most people. I assumed that all I need to do is to explain to people that if I date a girl then I am not denying the beauty of a man but instead refusing to deny the beauty of a woman. And if I explain it, they will understand, at least partially. Sure some were converted to homophilia but that was only one friend (in addition to my brother but he’s a different story), one single dude that apparently loved women so much that he found it natural that I would love them too. He even went further saying that what he does NOT understand is that women would actually love men… Men, according to him, are ugly!
What’s funny is that all the homophobes that rejected my theory; they were all overshadowed by one success story… And to be honest I’m often scared that in our struggle for our rights, or even worse, to conceal our true identity, we fight the enemy so hard and for so long that we forget to stop from time to time and enjoy the mesmerizing beauty of the woman right next to us, the indefinable and the irresistible…

Pazuzu